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*// バカモノの詩 ★
Tuesday, January 31, 2012

If I take your heart, I will cherish it every day
If I take your heart, I will heal these old wounds
If I take your heart, it's to make it happy
If I take your heart, it's forever close to mine

Sunday, January 29, 2012

because i’m crazy, baby
i need you to come here and save me
i’m your little scarlet, starlet
singing in the garden,
kiss me on my open mouth
ready for you


Wednesday, January 25, 2012

The scars of your love remind me of us
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
The scars of your love they leave me breathless
I can’t help feeling
We could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
You had my heart inside of your hand
And you played it
To the beat

I'm so fucking sad.
I don't have a clue why.
Everytime I look at you I wish I could come over and talk to you get a hug and your confidence. . .
But I can't. . .since I made an end to the whole situation, to...us.
I know it was one of the best things I could have done. . .but still I feel the bittersweet longing for you.
I can't become friends with you because if I'm close to you I get attracted to you and that just leads to the same as before.
Just like magnets.
I don't want to feel this way.
I'm better off without you and you're better off without me.
We're just not ment for each other. . .even though I sometimes secretly wish we were.
We could have been so much more. . .yeah if only we were made for each other.
I don't like this taste of bittersweet memory but I have to go through this my own.


Carry Dawn

I've been very busy with life right now and I don't know why since I haven't been doing anything lately just going through my day like a corpse. . .
I don't know but I feel week and repulsive.
Ana is here and I wanted her company somehow. . .
well, school is a little frustrating somehow since I don't get anything into my brain.
I just listen and nod everything off.
I don't really know anymore.
Sleeping would be the best right now. Lay down and sleep for an entire week.
Not beeing able to feel the happiness around me is really hard.
I want to feel better but I only get carried down with my emotions.

This time you even ended up being scared of meeting me.

Monday, January 16, 2012

You just keep your mouth shut, soldier of love, I should have killed you
from the start

I never believed in anything. I've considered my life as a dull show of empty madness.
I've gone so mad over the past years I'd probably could murder someone somehow. . .
I'm neither able to love nor to get loved. I'm such a strange twat.
My mind is definitely so wrong and full of hate. Towards other people but mostly towards myself.
I've become friends with my own lunacy.
Thoughts roaming in my head telling me to stop.
past and present rotating in my silly mind.
Just make it go away and assure me that everything is going to be alright.
Ah this despair is killing myself infecting my soul with vicious poison I can't bleed out.
It swollows my heart, this pitch black darkness.
Tetherless I have to endure it.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

You might really won't believe this, but I'm a huge fan of 益若 つばさ (Tsubasa Masuwaka)
right now I'm listening to Bunny Days ♡ I really like this album/single ?! (●´∀`●)

Anyway that was just a short information~
Hopefully I won't have to hold my presentation in ethics today (;゚;ω;゚;)

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

I wanna take a bath with you
And wash the chaos from my skin

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

There's definitely a better time.
And I'm definitely not the best person.

my life seems so non-relevant to me right now. Like I don't know I just feel like an empty shell. Like something thats just there to breath and to get dull.
And even though I feel my life getting better I don't feel happy.
I always feel totally wrong.
Everywhere. I wish I could sit at home and write all my thoughts down like asap.
But unfortunately its schooltime and my calender gets full of stupid thoughts. . .
That night, when you come home and just feel exhausted because you know its gonna be cold tonight. Its gonna get cold if you lay down in bed and no matter how many blankets you pull over it won't reduce the loneliness nor the cold feeling inside. You could lay beside the heater and yet feel entirely empty. That night you'll know that something isn't like it was before. That something has changed.
I don't want to sleep alone tonight-
I feel empty and lonely yet so fucking full of thoughts

Monday, January 9, 2012

Der Tag der Morgen kommt.

I don't know why but I feel peaceful right now even though I have to face some uncomfortable facts and I hope I will survive !
Yesterday I spent my last free day with friends and I'm absolutely amazed how much energy it gave me. We only went for a walk and met up with someone and then went around the lake nearby. Although it was really cold I couldn't stop laughing because we had a lot of fun.
I wish I could turn back time and enjoy this precious day a little longer.
I don't want to have this stress that will surely come in about an hour. . .
The only thing I'm really looking forward to is to see one of my friends again. Only her. Noone else.
I just doesn't feel right. I don't want to see my ex again. Neither those other wankers.
Cuddeling up and watch some stupid movies. . .or even a simple walk outside would be the best. But I'm "blessed" with this.
And I'm awfully missing him.
I still feel like crying. So much.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

My clothes are so dirty,
and my smile is starting to become distorted,
not to mention that I don't have a face worthy of showing to anyone,
so just leave me alone already!

I feel so repulsive. So fucking lonely.
My heart is cold and my feelings are empty.
I don't feel like showing my face to anyone yet I do it.
I have the huge urge to cry but I can't. No matter what there's always something left behind.
I just wanna lay down and cry.
And thinking about tomorrow I get chills. I'm constantly shaking because I'm feeling so cold.

I feel like I'm drowning.
And yet I don't feel like fighting for my life it just passes by...just like everything around me lays in ashes...I don't feel like doing anything against it.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Take me down to the paradise city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty

Yesterday I went to an 80s party with some friends.
It was amazing.
I knew all the songs~
Sadly I didn't dance that much but at least I got my will to dance one song with a friend of mine.
I wish there would be more 80s parties because I like the vibe of those parties and the music as well. . .
unfortunately the night went down really horrific for me and a friend because we both got overwhelmed by stupid feelings~

Monday, January 2, 2012


I wondered how long I've been hiding my feelings towards you. My feelings that kept me foolish by your side. Those feeling I despised so much. I've been trapped for so long in that sad paradise.
I know my life isn't anywhere near perfect. I know my life is a dark place, but without you I'll finally be able to bloom so crimson flowers in my world.
Something that can live inside of me. Something that'll might gather up some hope.

All this time. All this fucking time I protected you with my guard down. I couldn't see, that the one who needed protection was myself. foolish me.
I don't know how I should call that feeling in me now.
Freedom ? Assurance ?
I'm finally feeling detached.

You're no longer the hole in my head.
You're no longer the space in my bed.
You're just the silence in between.

That time you opened my eyes. That was the best present you could make me.
I thought you totally ruined my birthday by saying that but in fact you helped me.
Those words I said weren't uncontrolled towards you. They were perfectly fine.
I just hadn't realized it by then.

You're no fucking man. You're just a mannequin.
It was nice with you. But it wasn't love.
I liked you.

I know it'll be hard. Letting go.
It would be so much easier if I wouldn't see you every day, but thats fine.
I'll move on.
I know I don't have to depend on you. Nor on your silly behaviour.

I've told you so many things. So many personal stuff.
But you ? You never helped me. And I was too blind to see that.
You said you'd be there for me. But you never were. . .And I was too fucking blind to see that.

You came into my life just like a virus.
And what do you do with a virus ?
Take pills, to forget the pain. To erase the virus. But it wouldn't help.
I was only drugged and numb.
I greeted a virus like some friend.
I wasn't fine.

I just want to forget. Forget. Forget. Forget.

Oh and how sick I am of your words full of lust.
God how I hated it. I'm not some fucking doll or meat or prostitute you can jerk off to.
And telling me that you wanted to hook up wasn't really helpful.
This is so disgusting.
I feel so dirty.
Even though I told you about my phobias you said it.
Ugh. I feel so ashamed for that.

I'm sick and tired of getting leveled down to my body. God.
I know I'm not that ugly. alright.
BUT fuck it ! I hate myself so much.
Because some bastards intend to fuck me and tell me how "hot" I am.
you know that this is not something decent to say to someone whose hating his self.
Leveled down.
Just like in my childhood.
But thats a different story.

I'm just relieved that I finally found peace with that topic.

Please be good to me 2012.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

I don’t have awkward moments. I have an awkward life, occasionally interrupted by normalcy


Liam | 18

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