Sunday, May 27, 2012
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Oh right since I'm somewhat sick because I caught a cold yesterday I'm kind of productive today. . .don't know why though since I'm having my depression back since a week I suppose. I've cried so much this week and as far as I feel it there will be more tears. And since I'm feeling oh so well I'll open up my book of words that people have told me so far this week :
Oh you're so dramatic
- basically I'm broken, not dramatic but stupid and selfish people will take it as drama.
Stop being selfish
- pardon but I can't take my life anymore so I'm being kind of self centred since I wanna get somewhat normal again.
You look weird
- ah really. . .
Go off yourself
- Sounds like a REALLY REALLY nice idea right now to be honest
Why don't you die ?
- Hm. . .cause I'm responsible for my cat
Fat
-ikr
Ugly
-yeah
Pathetic
-of course I always am.
You're not fair
-life isn't fair either get over it
The world is such a filthy place. such a goddamn horror show. And not matter what I'm doing I'm always getting in trouble because I'm oh so unfair. I'm so PISSED by that fucked word that I'm UNFAIR guess what ? You all aren't fair either, thats how LIFE fucking works. You can't please everyone. Ah right but when i'm acting selfish I'm always the selfish unfair bastard. Right, and when were you fair when you backstabbed me ? RIIIGHT thats ok.
As far as I know you arent suffering from mental illness, right ?
hah. . .but whatever.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
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I feel like such a nasty brat. So useless and even more helpless.
I mean, its not like I'm hurting anyone by purpose but deep down I feel that I'm hurting people by being this miserable.
I mean crying and shaking isn't a nice thing, is it ?
But the whole stress is buildin up and is getting worse and is crashing me down.
I can't take this physical anymore. And the pain in my soul is even worse.
I'm uttely torn apart. . .
I don't wanna cry and mumble about my life. I just can't take it anymore.
Furthermore I'm so terrified of next week I wish I could just jump in front of a car.
So much pressure.
I mean, its not like I'm hurting anyone by purpose but deep down I feel that I'm hurting people by being this miserable.
I mean crying and shaking isn't a nice thing, is it ?
But the whole stress is buildin up and is getting worse and is crashing me down.
I can't take this physical anymore. And the pain in my soul is even worse.
I'm uttely torn apart. . .
I don't wanna cry and mumble about my life. I just can't take it anymore.
Furthermore I'm so terrified of next week I wish I could just jump in front of a car.
So much pressure.
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