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*// バカモノの詩 ★
Wednesday, February 29, 2012

願いは貴方に降り注ぐ
そっと悲しみを越えて

On the 18th of July my Idol passed away.
I haven’t felt that empty and sad in a long time.
Oh god how much I’ve cried.
Of course a few people say “come one he’s doing better now and you still have his music. anyway you did not know him”
I don’t care if I knew him or not.
I have story that connects me to him and that so much…too much.
Music, Lyrics and Pictures still remain but he cannot help me. anymore.

At the time I discovered Kagrra, (at about 2001) I had a really though time.
And I was already getting fond of more and more vk bands because of their lyrics.
My life was very dark (and still is) and I was searching for something to give me hold.
And then because of a magazine I had I found Kagrra,. First of all I was really surprised about their look. I mean their charisma. They just caught my eye.
Back then I was forced to visit my dad and stay at his home for weekends, which was horrible, anyway I had my magazine with me and I searched for them on the internet. First music, then the people behind Kagrra, and then finally their lyrics.
I already listened to some jrock songs and jpop and all that with lyrics and everything but they never caught me as much as Kagrra, did.

In the dark life of a small child there was new hope.
As often as I could I listened to them and printet out their lyrics. I just had something to hold on to. Finally.
Then over the years I had ups and downs. Some mayor and some less.
I went to therapy, which I canceled. I suffered from mental illness for a few months and had to stay home. I realized that my father is a disgusting person.
and a few more things.
And all this time I could listen to Isshi’s voice whenever I was in my bedroom empty and sad.

When they first announced that they are disbanding I was utterly sad.
But then Isshi came up with his solo project and light came back.
And now…he’s not there anymore.
I don’t have anything to look forward to, no singles no album no concerts, nothing.
I know I will make it without him.
Because he taught me to.
But its just something important missing.
Something in my heart I can’t get back.
never.

And thats why my url is Utakata.
Its a song of Kagrra, my favourite and first.
ephemeral.


This is it. My story.


Monday, February 20, 2012
▲▲▲

Und wenn der Schnee mein Grab bedeckt. . .








Sunday, February 19, 2012
▲▲▲

I wanna hold your hand so tight I'm gonna break my wrist









Sunday, February 12, 2012
▲▲▲


내꺼 하자 내가 널 사랑해 어?
내가 널 끝까지 책임질게.

Thursday, February 9, 2012
♛|39

DAYBREAK


My life is like a total mess right now.
I'm drifting from that problem to that and so on.
but I can't find some rest cause there's always something thats making trouble.
This is just too unfair because I'm trying so hard to get better but everytime there is just a little chance someone comes and washes it away.
I'm trembeling between totally forgotten and screaming on the top of my lungs.
I don't know whether I'm aking this all up or if I'm really fine.
But honstely ? It doesn't feel right, I don't feel like myself.
not even close.
This is not who I am.
Who I am trying to be.

So tomorrow I'll visit the new flat we're maybe going to move to.
I wouldn't mind, change is good. . .I hope.
And then I'll have an appointment at my hair dresser-
And then in the evening I'll head out with some friends to drink something :3
Unless saturday isn't going to be shit I'll have a great weekend




Wednesday, February 8, 2012
▲▲▲


Now there's no point in placing the blame.
And you should know I'd suffer the same.
If I lose you, my heart will be broken.
Love is a bird, she needs to fly.
Let all the hurt inside of you die.
You're frozen when your heart's not open.

If I could melt your heart,
We'd never be apart.
Give yourself to me,
You hold the key.



Monday, February 6, 2012
♛|38


you will lie
you will lie
dont tell me i cant stand the pain
you kissed that creatures in the rain
dont tell me i cant stand the pain
dont tell me

now there`s nothing to know
once again








「そんなことないよ」

Liam | 18
『もういいかい?』


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誰もわかっちゃくれやしない
今 
僕が苦しみ生き続ける意味を


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