On the 18th of July my Idol passed away. I haven’t felt that empty and sad in a long time. Oh god how much I’ve cried. Of course a few people say “come one he’s doing better now and you still have his music. anyway you did not know him” I don’t care if I knew him or not. I have story that connects me to him and that so much…too much. Music, Lyrics and Pictures still remain but he cannot help me. anymore.
At the time I discovered Kagrra, (at about 2001) I had a really though time. And I was already getting fond of more and more vk bands because of their lyrics. My life was very dark (and still is) and I was searching for something to give me hold. And then because of a magazine I had I found Kagrra,. First of all I was really surprised about their look. I mean their charisma. They just caught my eye. Back then I was forced to visit my dad and stay at his home for weekends, which was horrible, anyway I had my magazine with me and I searched for them on the internet. First music, then the people behind Kagrra, and then finally their lyrics. I already listened to some jrock songs and jpop and all that with lyrics and everything but they never caught me as much as Kagrra, did.
In the dark life of a small child there was new hope. As often as I could I listened to them and printet out their lyrics. I just had something to hold on to. Finally. Then over the years I had ups and downs. Some mayor and some less. I went to therapy, which I canceled. I suffered from mental illness for a few months and had to stay home. I realized that my father is a disgusting person. and a few more things. And all this time I could listen to Isshi’s voice whenever I was in my bedroom empty and sad.
When they first announced that they are disbanding I was utterly sad. But then Isshi came up with his solo project and light came back. And now…he’s not there anymore. I don’t have anything to look forward to, no singles no album no concerts, nothing. I know I will make it without him. Because he taught me to. But its just something important missing. Something in my heart I can’t get back. never.
And thats why my url is Utakata. Its a song of Kagrra, my favourite and first. ephemeral.
This is it. My story.
Monday, February 20, 2012
▲▲▲
Und wenn der Schnee mein Grab bedeckt. . .
Sunday, February 19, 2012
▲▲▲
I wanna hold your hand so tight I'm gonna break my wrist
Sunday, February 12, 2012
▲▲▲
내꺼 하자 내가 널 사랑해 어? 내가 널 끝까지 책임질게.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
♛|39
DAYBREAK
My life is like a total mess right now. I'm drifting from that problem to that and so on. but I can't find some rest cause there's always something thats making trouble. This is just too unfair because I'm trying so hard to get better but everytime there is just a little chance someone comes and washes it away. I'm trembeling between totally forgotten and screaming on the top of my lungs. I don't know whether I'm aking this all up or if I'm really fine. But honstely ? It doesn't feel right, I don't feel like myself. not even close. This is not who I am. Who I am trying to be.
So tomorrow I'll visit the new flat we're maybe going to move to. I wouldn't mind, change is good. . .I hope. And then I'll have an appointment at my hair dresser- And then in the evening I'll head out with some friends to drink something :3 Unless saturday isn't going to be shit I'll have a great weekend
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
▲▲▲
Now there's no point in placing the blame. And you should know I'd suffer the same. If I lose you, my heart will be broken. Love is a bird, she needs to fly. Let all the hurt inside of you die. You're frozen when your heart's not open.
If I could melt your heart, We'd never be apart. Give yourself to me, You hold the key.
Monday, February 6, 2012
♛|38
you will lie you will lie dont tell me i cant stand the pain you kissed that creatures in the rain dont tell me i cant stand the pain dont tell me
now there`s nothing to know once again
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
願いは貴方に降り注ぐ そっと悲しみを越えて
On the 18th of July my Idol passed away. I haven’t felt that empty and sad in a long time. Oh god how much I’ve cried. Of course a few people say “come one he’s doing better now and you still have his music. anyway you did not know him” I don’t care if I knew him or not. I have story that connects me to him and that so much…too much. Music, Lyrics and Pictures still remain but he cannot help me. anymore.
At the time I discovered Kagrra, (at about 2001) I had a really though time. And I was already getting fond of more and more vk bands because of their lyrics. My life was very dark (and still is) and I was searching for something to give me hold. And then because of a magazine I had I found Kagrra,. First of all I was really surprised about their look. I mean their charisma. They just caught my eye. Back then I was forced to visit my dad and stay at his home for weekends, which was horrible, anyway I had my magazine with me and I searched for them on the internet. First music, then the people behind Kagrra, and then finally their lyrics. I already listened to some jrock songs and jpop and all that with lyrics and everything but they never caught me as much as Kagrra, did.
In the dark life of a small child there was new hope. As often as I could I listened to them and printet out their lyrics. I just had something to hold on to. Finally. Then over the years I had ups and downs. Some mayor and some less. I went to therapy, which I canceled. I suffered from mental illness for a few months and had to stay home. I realized that my father is a disgusting person. and a few more things. And all this time I could listen to Isshi’s voice whenever I was in my bedroom empty and sad.
When they first announced that they are disbanding I was utterly sad. But then Isshi came up with his solo project and light came back. And now…he’s not there anymore. I don’t have anything to look forward to, no singles no album no concerts, nothing. I know I will make it without him. Because he taught me to. But its just something important missing. Something in my heart I can’t get back. never.
And thats why my url is Utakata. Its a song of Kagrra, my favourite and first. ephemeral.
This is it. My story.
Monday, February 20, 2012
▲▲▲
Und wenn der Schnee mein Grab bedeckt. . .
Sunday, February 19, 2012
▲▲▲
I wanna hold your hand so tight I'm gonna break my wrist
Sunday, February 12, 2012
▲▲▲
내꺼 하자 내가 널 사랑해 어? 내가 널 끝까지 책임질게.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
♛|39
DAYBREAK
My life is like a total mess right now. I'm drifting from that problem to that and so on. but I can't find some rest cause there's always something thats making trouble. This is just too unfair because I'm trying so hard to get better but everytime there is just a little chance someone comes and washes it away. I'm trembeling between totally forgotten and screaming on the top of my lungs. I don't know whether I'm aking this all up or if I'm really fine. But honstely ? It doesn't feel right, I don't feel like myself. not even close. This is not who I am. Who I am trying to be.
So tomorrow I'll visit the new flat we're maybe going to move to. I wouldn't mind, change is good. . .I hope. And then I'll have an appointment at my hair dresser- And then in the evening I'll head out with some friends to drink something :3 Unless saturday isn't going to be shit I'll have a great weekend
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
▲▲▲
Now there's no point in placing the blame. And you should know I'd suffer the same. If I lose you, my heart will be broken. Love is a bird, she needs to fly. Let all the hurt inside of you die. You're frozen when your heart's not open.
If I could melt your heart, We'd never be apart. Give yourself to me, You hold the key.
Monday, February 6, 2012
♛|38
you will lie you will lie dont tell me i cant stand the pain you kissed that creatures in the rain dont tell me i cant stand the pain dont tell me
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