Tuesday, March 19, 2013
warst du nie unten ?
Have you ever felt so out of place that you even wonder how you could interact with people on a daily basis ?
I mean I'm fine with talking to people, like its not a bother to me right now and I can handle my anxiety quite good, but remembering what I've lost the past few months I feel so lost. I'm just floating in this ocean of despair and hate.
I've given up on fighting for things that are dear to me since I couldn't find my standarts in other people, which is totally normal...I guess you shouldn't use your standarts on another person since they experience things in a different way...but still its so fucking idiotic.
I know that I'm feeling utterly lonely and I wanna stab myself for wondering if I ever find someone again whose able to treat me well without forcing me for anything which was quite a thing in the past but whatever. I'm done with it pretty much.
Nobody ever fucking notices what I am doing until I stop doing so and then its always utter bullshit because of me. I haven't had some drugs in any kind of sort for such a long long time and I'm feeling so numb.
And its not a fucking matter of understanding someone, its just about being there. I don't get this whole ridiculous situation I'm in anymore.
just fuck it. I've had enough already. let me be.