I would freeze if I had a heart.

I'm certainly not the biggest poet of all time. My words are quite vulgar and I'm not ashamed of it.
Most of the times I can't keep my mouth shut when its best and I end up hurting myself by speaking. But whats most important are my words unspoken. I'm sadly such a monochrome guy. I wish i could keep my world simple and clean without people interacting. I wish it was easy as that.
I always considered myself as a failure who's caught up by some rare glimpse of light.
I never thought about the facts whether I reflect wrong to other people. Always thinking the worst of you surely isn't one of the best things I can clearly state but neither did people tell me otherwise. Usually I'm torn apart between th constant feeling of hiding myself and exposing my dirty face to everyone so they can see how good they are.
I'm willing to give my all for a certain person if it rewarded. But why do you keep on fighting for something thats long gone ? Maybe I'm really just a useless dreamer.
People don't understand me and they don't care if there's more of a person willing to come out. They're fine with what they get if its good or bad.
However much I try to keep in contact with people they don't seem to cling to me. Like sand they gush through my bare hands.
Sometimes I wish i could burry myself under all my blankets and never come out again. The reason why i wont do that is because I have some responsibilities, not people that care for me. They simply won't worry.
I'm a broken little dram that was long over. And now I'm lying in ashes.

たすけて
お願い
逃げ出して隠れたい。
誰か外にいるのかい？

何故こんなにも心泣き疲れてるの？
何故こんなにも自分が嫌いなの？

通り過ぎる人々の笑顔は
私の事笑っているの？

何故私、呼吸をしてるの？
痛み無く止まればいいのに

もう失敗，もう失敗。
「問題ない。」
どこへ向かい、何をすれば？
こんなに服は汚れてしまった
笑顔も醜くゆがんでいった
誰にも合わせる顔なんて無いの
もう放っておいてよ！
ああ、知ってんだ。

本当に知らなかったんです。

(nothing important just random thoughts I've been having these days)

孤独　で　さびしい。。。
だいじょうぶ じゃ ない。。。
人生が嫌になりました
死んでと思っています
でも
おまえがきらいです
いつも。。。
この手　離すのは・・・　「私」

I feel so damn lost right now.
I just hate my life.
Those people who should care aren't there for me.
And even though I cry out for help its unheard.
I don't knoe if I'm just too sensitive because I'd give my everything if someone told me they wanted to end their life and even did attemp so.
I just feel like I'm crazy and that I'm always making everything up.
I just feel completely MAD.
I don't feel right and I KNOW it.
But you just walk over this and show off your selfish attitude.

I'M NOT OK

もういいよ！

A few months ago so many things changed in my life and I'm not sure if I'm now done with sorting out and organizing everything, or if I'm just getting used to everything.
But it definitely feels like something new is coming up.
With all these changes.
The major change being my house moving.
I'm ready for this. I'll get energy out of this.
And I don't need anyone to tell me I'm right because I know I fucking am !
I considered my life as a mess I can't figure out.
I know there are a lot of things wrong here and there but I'll make it somehow.
But the big deal is that I'm done with all my "friends" I mean not everyone here and there I made some new friends and they are dear to me but some of those people I considered as a "friend" are just plain poison for me.
How often I sat at home because someone dumped me in the last minute. How often I waited for something that most likely would never happen. I'll still keep in contact with these people but I wont consider them as a friend anymore.
I'm just too fed up with people taking me for granted and not giving a single shit about me when I'm at my lowest. They don't deserve me at my best.


ねえ　聴いておくれよほんの少しだけ立ち止まってさあ
La la la, la la la　僕らはうたうそれぞれ違う空の下で

I would freeze if I had a heart.

I'm certainly not the biggest poet of all time. My words are quite vulgar and I'm not ashamed of it.
Most of the times I can't keep my mouth shut when its best and I end up hurting myself by speaking. But whats most important are my words unspoken. I'm sadly such a monochrome guy. I wish i could keep my world simple and clean without people interacting. I wish it was easy as that.
I always considered myself as a failure who's caught up by some rare glimpse of light.
I never thought about the facts whether I reflect wrong to other people. Always thinking the worst of you surely isn't one of the best things I can clearly state but neither did people tell me otherwise. Usually I'm torn apart between th constant feeling of hiding myself and exposing my dirty face to everyone so they can see how good they are.
I'm willing to give my all for a certain person if it rewarded. But why do you keep on fighting for something thats long gone ? Maybe I'm really just a useless dreamer.
People don't understand me and they don't care if there's more of a person willing to come out. They're fine with what they get if its good or bad.
However much I try to keep in contact with people they don't seem to cling to me. Like sand they gush through my bare hands.
Sometimes I wish i could burry myself under all my blankets and never come out again. The reason why i wont do that is because I have some responsibilities, not people that care for me. They simply won't worry.
I'm a broken little dram that was long over. And now I'm lying in ashes.

たすけて
お願い
逃げ出して隠れたい。
誰か外にいるのかい？

何故こんなにも心泣き疲れてるの？
何故こんなにも自分が嫌いなの？

通り過ぎる人々の笑顔は
私の事笑っているの？

何故私、呼吸をしてるの？
痛み無く止まればいいのに

もう失敗，もう失敗。
「問題ない。」
どこへ向かい、何をすれば？
こんなに服は汚れてしまった
笑顔も醜くゆがんでいった
誰にも合わせる顔なんて無いの
もう放っておいてよ！
ああ、知ってんだ。

本当に知らなかったんです。

(nothing important just random thoughts I've been having these days)

孤独　で　さびしい。。。
だいじょうぶ じゃ ない。。。
人生が嫌になりました
死んでと思っています
でも
おまえがきらいです
いつも。。。
この手　離すのは・・・　「私」

I feel so damn lost right now.
I just hate my life.
Those people who should care aren't there for me.
And even though I cry out for help its unheard.
I don't knoe if I'm just too sensitive because I'd give my everything if someone told me they wanted to end their life and even did attemp so.
I just feel like I'm crazy and that I'm always making everything up.
I just feel completely MAD.
I don't feel right and I KNOW it.
But you just walk over this and show off your selfish attitude.

I'M NOT OK

もういいよ！

A few months ago so many things changed in my life and I'm not sure if I'm now done with sorting out and organizing everything, or if I'm just getting used to everything.
But it definitely feels like something new is coming up.
With all these changes.
The major change being my house moving.
I'm ready for this. I'll get energy out of this.
And I don't need anyone to tell me I'm right because I know I fucking am !
I considered my life as a mess I can't figure out.
I know there are a lot of things wrong here and there but I'll make it somehow.
But the big deal is that I'm done with all my "friends" I mean not everyone here and there I made some new friends and they are dear to me but some of those people I considered as a "friend" are just plain poison for me.
How often I sat at home because someone dumped me in the last minute. How often I waited for something that most likely would never happen. I'll still keep in contact with these people but I wont consider them as a friend anymore.
I'm just too fed up with people taking me for granted and not giving a single shit about me when I'm at my lowest. They don't deserve me at my best.


ねえ　聴いておくれよほんの少しだけ立ち止まってさあ
La la la, la la la　僕らはうたうそれぞれ違う空の下で