Wednesday, February 29, 2012
On the 18th of July my Idol passed away.
I haven’t felt that empty and sad in a long time.
Oh god how much I’ve cried.
Of course a few people say “come one he’s doing better now and you still have his music. anyway you did not know him”
I don’t care if I knew him or not.
I have story that connects me to him and that so much…too much.
Music, Lyrics and Pictures still remain but he cannot help me. anymore.
At the time I discovered Kagrra, (at about 2001) I had a really though time.
And I was already getting fond of more and more vk bands because of their lyrics.
My life was very dark (
and still is) and I was searching for something to give me hold.
And then because of a magazine I had I found Kagrra,. First of all I was really surprised about their look. I mean their charisma. They just caught my eye.
Back then I was forced to visit my dad and stay at his home for weekends, which was horrible, anyway I had my magazine with me and I searched for them on the internet. First music, then the people behind Kagrra, and then finally their lyrics.
I already listened to some jrock songs and jpop and all that with lyrics and everything but they never caught me as much as Kagrra, did.
In the dark life of a small child there was new hope.
As often as I could I listened to them and printet out their lyrics. I just had something to hold on to. Finally.
Then over the years I had ups and downs. Some mayor and some less.
I went to therapy, which I canceled. I suffered from mental illness for a few months and had to stay home. I realized that my father is a disgusting person.
and a few more things.
And all this time I could listen to Isshi’s voice whenever I was in my bedroom empty and sad.
When they first announced that they are disbanding I was utterly sad.
But then Isshi came up with his solo project and light came back.
And now…he’s not there anymore.
I don’t have anything to look forward to, no singles no album no concerts, nothing.
I know I will make it without him.
Because he taught me to.
But its just something important missing.
Something in my heart I can’t get back.
And thats why my url is Utakata.
Its a song of Kagrra, my favourite and first.
This is it. My story.