Sunday, October 21, 2012
I don't feel really well. I read a whole book today just because I wanted to distract myself from thinking. I'm not working well. My mind is just such a mess. How hard is it to fucking get it together ?
I should go to school tomorrow, I know, but I don't know if I can deal with it. . .and that kills me. I feel so fucking weak and helpless. I can't deal with life right now and thats so fucked up. I WANT to work. I WANT to go to school, but the fact of getting up and meeting people and talk to them tears me apart. My heart aches so much in my chest and it feels like I'll suffer a heart attack every now and then soon. Its not like I'm going to sit at home and stuff I know that I'll have to go to see my doctor to get my medical certificate and stuff but that feels so much better then facing people. I haven't slept more then 4 hours this weekend because my mind went on talking about shit. And apart from my mind I kept feeling cold and alone. I'm shaking and I'm feeling sick due to my angst. Its such a horrible feeling. I know that I could have it worse but...ugh I feel so fucking stupid. I can't do such a simple thing.
I wanna be normal.