Thursday, July 5, 2012
What is Happiness ?
Everyone seems to get angry at me for the funniest reasons.
What am I to you ? Fragile ? Failure ? Useless ?
I feel like I'm noone.
not a fucking human being !!
Why should anyone care about me anyway. Right.
Everyone is lying to me and telling me shit.
I'm dragged from one edge to another
And as I hit rock bottom I couldn't even struggle or scream.
"It'll be ok soon"
Don't fucking lie to me ! You haven't got the slightest clue what it feels like !
I mean what am I too my fucking family ? I'm not a stray dog ! I'm a human being, more or less.
Why is there just so much bullshit going on ? Its just too hard to handle at once.
On my own.
I'm left alone in this darkness.
I'm suffering ! I'm hurt! I'm not fucking OKAY !!!
But all I can do is cry. Cry like a little child.
I'm really torn between going on and just ending it all.
I'm never good enough !
I'm always second choice.
But I can understand that I don't like myself either. I hate myself so much.
And everyone is telling me anyway what I'm not capable of and how mean I am.
Maybe I deserve all this ?
I'm such a freakin idiot. Such a failure.
At least thats what people around me make me feel like.
A fucking no one.
I'm such a huge fuck up.
I'm an emotional bag of shit.
I want to scratch my skin open. I feel so utterly disgusting
Sometimes the pain's too strong to bare...and life gets so hard you just don't care. You feel so alone you just sit and cry...every second you wish you could die. Then you start thinking who would care...if one day they woke up-and you weren't there.
Langsam tröpfelte es, doch ich schütz mich nicht, ich
lauf weiter es bedrückt mich nichts
mein Kopf ist frei und leer
kein Zweifel mehr
meine Vergangenheit ist ein Scheißdreck wert