Saturday, July 14, 2012
▲▲▲
"You’re doing it wrong. If you’re trying to kill yourself, cut vertically. They can’t stitch that up. And if you're trying to kill yourself, you might also try locking the door."
. . .
4th. . .
4th time. . .
I'm such a huge fuck up.
I have a dull feeling of myself.
I'm afraid. I'm scared of my own thoughts. They keep me awake at night at tortue me through the day. Thinking about going to hospital on your free will sounds really fucked up. . .
Ever since I woke up I couldn't stop crying because my own misery is so obvious.
I feel so ashamed of myself.
I just can't stand myself anymore. How can anyone around me handle me ?
Someone some days ago said "you can only be loved if you love yourself"
. . .so noone is ever going to love me. I hate myself so much. I never had more hate towards another person then myself.
I feel so emberassed when I look on my arm. I'm such a pitiful sight.
4th. . .
4th time. . .
I'm such a huge fuck up.
I have a dull feeling of myself.
I'm afraid. I'm scared of my own thoughts. They keep me awake at night at tortue me through the day. Thinking about going to hospital on your free will sounds really fucked up. . .
Ever since I woke up I couldn't stop crying because my own misery is so obvious.
I feel so ashamed of myself.
I just can't stand myself anymore. How can anyone around me handle me ?
Someone some days ago said "you can only be loved if you love yourself"
. . .so noone is ever going to love me. I hate myself so much. I never had more hate towards another person then myself.
I feel so emberassed when I look on my arm. I'm such a pitiful sight.
Labels: sad
Saturday, July 7, 2012
♛|57
Blasse Narben vom letzten Tag
Lange her doch noch täglich da
Keine Heilung die wirkt
der Schmerz pocht
ich hoff’, dass es mit der Zeit besser wird
Diese Welt zieht an mir vorbei
Viel zu schnell als das ich begreif
Wie es weiter gehen könnte
Ich finde kein Ende
Und frag mich ob du das weißt
Keiner merkt es wenn ich heut Nacht untergeh
Kaltes Wasser, das mich in die Stille zieht
Niemand da wenn die Ewigkeit mich umgibt
Narben verblassen nie
I'm so fed up with my thoughts. Yesterday was really nice, being this drunk. Although I cried like a bitch. . .
I'm not that strong right now and still there are more and more problems appearing.
I feel like such a loser.
Fuck.
I hate my life so much right now
I'm not that strong right now and still there are more and more problems appearing.
I feel like such a loser.
Fuck.
I hate my life so much right now
Thursday, July 5, 2012
▲▲▲
What is Happiness ?Everyone seems to get angry at me for the funniest reasons.
What am I to you ? Fragile ? Failure ? Useless ?
WHAT ??
I feel like I'm noone.
not a fucking human being !!
Why should anyone care about me anyway. Right.
Everyone is lying to me and telling me shit.
I'm dragged from one edge to another
And as I hit rock bottom I couldn't even struggle or scream.
"It'll be ok soon"
Don't fucking lie to me ! You haven't got the slightest clue what it feels like !
I mean what am I too my fucking family ? I'm not a stray dog ! I'm a human being, more or less.
Why is there just so much bullshit going on ? Its just too hard to handle at once.
On my own.
I'm left alone in this darkness.
I'm suffering ! I'm hurt! I'm not fucking OKAY !!!
But all I can do is cry. Cry like a little child.
I'm really torn between going on and just ending it all.
I'm never good enough !
I'm always second choice.
But I can understand that I don't like myself either. I hate myself so much.
And everyone is telling me anyway what I'm not capable of and how mean I am.
Maybe I deserve all this ?
I'm such a freakin idiot. Such a failure.
At least thats what people around me make me feel like.
A fucking no one.
I'm such a huge fuck up.
I'm an emotional bag of shit.
I want to scratch my skin open. I feel so utterly disgusting
Sometimes the pain's too strong to bare...and life gets so hard you just don't care. You feel so alone you just sit and cry...every second you wish you could die. Then you start thinking who would care...if one day they woke up-and you weren't there.
Langsam tröpfelte es, doch ich schütz mich nicht, ich
lauf weiter es bedrückt mich nichts
mein Kopf ist frei und leer
kein Zweifel mehr
meine Vergangenheit ist ein Scheißdreck wert
Labels: leave me alone, sad
Sunday, April 29, 2012
▲▲▲
ALICE: Yes. I would have loved you... forever. Now, please go.
DAN: Don't do this, Alice. Please, talk to me.
ALICE: I am talking. Fuck off.
DAN: I'm sorry. You misunderstand! I didn't mean to.
ALICE: Yes you did.
DAN: I love you!
ALICE: Where?!
DAN: What?!
ALICE: Show me! Where is this love? I... I can't see it, I can't touch it.
I can't feel it. I can hear it. I can hear some words,
but I can't do anything with your easy words.
Whatever you say is too late.
DAN: Please, don't do this!
ALICE: Done.
Labels: sad
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